When you are getting married and planning a wedding, there are thousands of deacons to make. Besides the obvious venue, date, stationary, officiant, band, and dress, every little detail somehow becomes important. How do we want the napkins folded? What song do we want to walk out to? Do we need chair decor?
Seriously planning a wedding is a daunting task, just with the amount of decisions that need to be made alone, and honestly LeBraun and I just wanted to get married. We’ve loved each other since we were 15 + 16 and where flowers were placed around the cocktail hour didn’t matter to us in the slightest.
Most decisions we could make independently to let our planner know (after 13 years I’d say we know each other pretty well) but one decision that we had to sit down and talk through was what to do with my last name.
Essentially there were four options—keeping my maiden name, taking my spouse’s surname, moving my maiden name to my middle name, or hyphenating/combing the two.
For some, taking their spouse’s last name when they get married is something they’ve always wanted and is not even a question. For others, the decision is change your name is tougher. I bet you can guess which side I was on. :)
The most important part of the decision is that your spouse is involved. Surprisingly changing my name was more important to my fiancé than me. He has a very go-with-the-flow personality so I was surprised when he told me it was important to him for me to share in his name. Not necessarily for him, but for us to be viewed as a family unit in the future.
Something I hadn’t given much thought to. My mother hyphenated her name when she got married so I grew up having parents with two different last names and I never thought anything of it.
I have a feeling that for some this decision could turn into a heated discussion so remember to calming express your feelings.
Luckily LeBraun’s the sweetest and just wants us to be happy so he left the final decision up to me. Originally I planned on keeping my name as is. After all it had been my identity for all 28 years of my life, but once I knew how LeBraun felt the decision was easy—to double barrel my name!
It’s the best of both worlds. I get to keep the name that I love—the name that reflects my past—while simultaneously taking my husband’s surname—the name that reflects our partnership, new family, and future!
Of course I didn’t make the decision before the wedding. I didn’t want to rush the decision and figured we would get through the whole wedding shebang first; however, when we got to the marriage license place we were told that apparently if you change your name on the license you don’t have to go through the courts. I didn't want to make a rash decision so we opted to keep it as it for then and make the decision after.
Did you know that for a man to change his name he has to go through the court anyway? What up with that? Since we were considering options of us both changing our names, we would have had to go through the courts anyway.
To hyphen or not to hyphen, that is the question
Double-barreling your surname allows you to use both surnames interchangeably, though legally all documents must appear with both. Socially you can decide which to use.
My mother has a hyphenated name as I mentioned and she did alert me to some issues she’s encountered, nothing crazy but just something to be aware of. For example, some credit cards, programing, or even airlines don’t allow hyphenating and therefore her name doesn't match identically. It’s never been a big deal, but occasionally causes slight delays or inconveniences. When you hyphenate your name, the hyphen becomes part of your legal name, and honestly don’t know why some computer programs can’t recognize it.
I liked the idea of hyphenating because it shows that the two names go together. My concern is that with two stand-alone surnames people will get confused and think that I have two first names, omit a name, or that there was a typo. I’m not worried about it but know it’s a possibility.
The only thing I have come across so far is that our tickets for an event were separated. Mine was under “T” and LeBraun’s was under “P.” I didn't think anything of it because that’s the way it has always been, but it was pointed out to me after as it was the first time after we were married.
Oh well I guess we will find out if there is any other confusion with a non-hyphenated double-barreled surname…
It’s Your Name, Your Decision.
Whatever you decide, if your decision isn’t the traditional “drop your surname, and take your spouse’s” people are going to judge your choice. Maybe not to your face or often, but it will happen. Some people see it has a personal insult to the tradition, while others see it as taking a stand for feminism—both of which I’m not trying to do.
Truth is I just really love my maiden name!
Will I be offended if we receive cards addressed to Mr. & Mrs. LeBraun? Of course not. Will I correct people at parties? Probably not.
Though we made sure to reiterate our name choice throughout the wedding.
To be fair we’re pretty lucky to have unique first names and don’t often use our last names on items, like our return address labels which simply state LeBraun & Shalan followed by an address. I mean how many LeBrauns or Shalans are in your phone? In your life? I think we are going to be just fine! :)
Lastly, remember…
You can always change it later. So don’t stress about it before the wedding. Get married, try out a couple different options for yourself and decide what feels right. It’s the name you’ll have to live with, and it’s 100% your decision. Do what’s best for you!
