Emanuele helped us capture the end of our first year of marriage. It was a year filled with so much love, adventure, and laughs. Ahh we can't wait to get these all printed and up on our walls.
Read More#shabraun | First Anniversary Gift of Paper
So the traditional first anniversary gift is the gift of paperโฆwell I knew exactly what to do as my job is literally to make things with paper everyday. :) Now this illustration of our wedding venue hangs on our wall amongst illustrations of more of our other favorite places. Itโs so special.
Read More#shabraun | 12 Things Weโve Learned in the First 12 Months of Marriage
LeBraun and Iโs first wedding anniversary is today and while some days it feels like we were standing in front of our family and friends on an olive grove in Hawaii saying our vows just yesterday, other days it feels like an eternity ago. Iโm somehow always surprised how time sneaks up on me.
Everything that has happened in the last 365 days has been about shaping our future. Were there hard times? Of course. But those times were speckled few and far between through moments of happiness, excitements, love, and respect.
Now our โfirst anniversaryโ experience is probably not the norm. Weโve been dating since high school, have lived and traveled together, and have grown up together. Nonetheless each month you spend your life with someone brings new memories and new challenges.
So today were sitting on the patio of the house weโve spent every Summer since we were 16 and 17 years old to chat about our first 365 days of married life. Lessons we learned, memories we made, things weโre looking forward to, and what a kick-ass wedding we had!
We donโt have all the answer about โhow to be marriedโ but we wanted to share 12 pieces of relationship advice weโve really valued during our first 12 months as Mr. and Mrs.
1. Weddings go by fast but so does the first year of marriage. Youโll never get this time back so donโt forget to soak it in. Every year life gets crazier and the years get shorter, stay in the moment. Enjoy each moment for what it isโgood, bad or ugly. Itโs tough coming down from the wedding high, but look at it like the wedding is over, look at it like your marriage is starting.
2. Discuss finances. Not the most exciting topic but a crucial one. Just like two people became one at the wedding so must your finances. Itโs the perfect time to set budgets, develop a savings strategy, and talk about expectations going forward.
3. Donโt stop dating your spouse. Plenty of couples forget this once they tie the knot, but it is so, so important. Even if itโs just for 15 minutes a day as you chores, do them together. Whatโs going on with you? Take the time to connect every day.
We love planning at least two formal date nights every month. Itโs the perfect opportunity to bond over something you both love, and each planning one of the dates makes it a fun surprise for the other.
Here are some of our favorite dates ideas.
- Movie + dinner, always a classic. We like to go to the movie first then grab dinner so we can discuss the movie. :)
- Take a cooking class together.
- Stargaze. Thereโs nothing that will make you feel like a part of the universeโs grand design then cuddling under millions of tiny stars. After all you found each other in this crazy world.
- Go to the zoo. Amazing animals, need we say more?
- Browse a bookstore. We love going to the bookstore, finding books about places we want to visit, talking about our favorite books growing up, and taking home books about things we want to learn.
- Donโt underestimate a weekend getaway. Without the distractions of your normal day to day, you really can put the focus back on each other.
- Make your house, a home. If you just moved in together you probably have some duplicate items. Work together small area by small area to create a place that is the perfect combination of the two of you.
- Grab coffee and walk. Talk about your day, your week, funny things that happened, movies you want to see, things you want to do, the futureโฆwhatever youโre feeling that day. Just take the time to connect.
- Go to a museum or gallery. One thing that weโve always valued in our relationship is our mutual love of learning and the opportunity to always be learning.
- Take a dance class together.
- Spa day, โcuz massages!
- Laugh together at a comedy club.
- Hunt down the โhotโ food truck and grab lunch.
- Dress up and splurge on a nice dinner.
- Just get out of the house! Itโs so simple to stay comfortable, especially after a day at the office, but break the routine and get some fresh air.
4. Never talk badly about your spouse to others. Once youโre aware of this, youโll realize your guilty of it. Everyone is, but the important thing is now you know you can actively work to make this a priority. Itโs so easy to vent about a spouse to friends or even online. Although most of the issues people vent about are โsmall annoyances that build up over timeโand venting to friends is an easy way to avoid conflict with your spouse and experience some temporary relief, it actually causes you (and your friends) to begin to resent your partner. Itโs only one side of the story. Work together to address and fix the issues that make you want to vent. Focus on the good in your relationship, build each other up, and then youโll have something positive to put out in the world. Protect your spouse at all times, ultimately protecting your relationship.
5. Communicate with love and actually listen. This is probably the hardest one for me as Iโm not a great speaker to begin with. For some reason I always expect people to simply understand. Since most people canโt read minds, I often end up keeping it to myself then blowing up (aka not the best strategy). We learned that itโs not usually what you are saying, itโs how you are saying it. Many โbattlesโ could be avoided if someone has just said something earlier. Be straightforward with each other, but also gentle. Remember your s.o. is a person with feelings and opinions too. LeBraunโs system, if you will, is to start with a positive note, acknowledge my feelings/opinion and then kindly express his point of view/opinion. It does much less harm then pointedly saying โYou didnโt do this, you didnโt do thatโฆโ And when your spouse speaks, donโt forget to LISTEN, not just hear. Golden rule of marriage: Treat your spouse how you would like to be treated.
6. Try not go to bed angry. Iโm sure youโve heard this one before, but waking up next to your best friend is one of the best parts of marriage. Apologize quick and forgive quicker. We donโt like to say โNever go to bed angryโ because arguments tend to take a nastier turn when both people who are already angry are also tired and grumpy. Most of the time, big problems turn into small ones with a little time and little sleep.
7. Donโt keep score. This is general relationship advice but now that our relationship is more formal/official legally, we feel itโs just as important to remember. Weโre on the same teamโteam Shabraun. We say Itโs not you vs. me, itโs us vs. the problem. There arenโt โwinners" and a โlosersโ of every argument, youโre a team so youโll either win together or lose together. Donโt make assumptions on each otherโs behalf. Discuss together, find a solution, and come out stronger.
8. Like because, love despite. You like because, and you love despite. You like someone because of all of their qualities, and you love someone despite some of their qualities. I cannot change my husband, just like my husband canโt change me. Yes, there are always little improvements we can make, but try remember you fell in love with who they are, not who you wanted them to be.
9. Remember your love story. Especially when times get tough. We think about how we met, our first date, our first kiss, our fiftieth date, our thousandth kiss, why I said yes when LeBraun got down on one knee. Remembering those moments reminds you whatโs important and that your person loves you in the moments where they seem like they donโt.
10. Itโs weird to use the โhusbandโ and be called someoneโs โwifeโ in day to day life. When Iโm talking to someone I always feel self-consciousโฆand a little pretentiousโฆsaying things like โMy husband and I really want to see that.โ It really doesnโt matter what I say for the second half of that sentence, but I always feel like it comes off as โhusssbandโ like Iโm purposefully using a snooty, uppity voice and bragging. Of course Iโm not, itโs just a transition like when we switched from boyfriend/girlfriend to fiancรฉ. Either way itโs still feels weird to say so we stick to hubby and wifey. Itโs feels a little less formal and works for us. P.S. Also itโs not that Iโm bragging about finding someone to those who are single or not wanting to brag about how awesome LeBraun is. I do want to brag about him because he is the coolest person I know and Iโm the luckiest girl in the world because he chose me. :)
11. Give your best to each other, not your leftovers after you've given your best to everyone else. Marriage is not 50/50, itโs 100/100. Each partner giving everything theyโve got.
12. Have fun and laugh lots. Everyone says โmarriage is workโ and it is is, but marriage is FUN! Tease, flirt, dance, sing, play, and makeout. Be a lot nice and little naughty. Never stop holding hands or saying โI love you.โ
Laughter really is the best medicine. We love that we share similar humor style, we quote movies and shows in every day conversations, and we often say the exact same thing at the exact same time. When that happens itโs always followed by a exclaimed โCome on!โ that is also often said in unison. Jinx, you owe me a coke. :)